I constantly find myself thinking about you. About future, about living together, about our house, about our jobs, about or friends, about us, about our cars, our finance, our kids, our family’s, our holidays. And I keep hearing these songs about 2 people loving each other and It makes me break down and feel so shitty cause you’re not here right now. Cause I’m the reason you’re not here. I would make a million of these posts to get you back every time baby. You’re so worth my time, you’re so worth my thought’s, my feelings, my love, my compassion, my heart. I couldn’t tell you what it is about you that I’m so attracted, drawn, pulled into. I cant put my finger on it. But I can feel it, stronger than I’ve ever known exponentially stronger. It’s this feelings of re-assurance, together, it’s a feeling of strength and love. It’s a safe haven of stress, grief, and sickness. It is health. It’s a physical state of my mind. You and I together is not a relationship it’s a bond, It’s just a status it’s a symbol. For me it’s hope. I’m so sorry about all the shit I’ve done Saieeda. I apologize about Friday night. I apologize about our disagreements, I can see now how you do not feel the same way I do because of the way I have acted towards you. I apologize and I want you to know if you give me a 657’th chance that I believe I can change the way I come about disagreements. I’m begging you to give me another chance. I know it’s hard for you to trust me, I know you dont want to be hurt anymore and I can only promise you my best and I will understand if It’s not what you need. I Love you Saieeda. I will, forever, now, then and always.
I’ve said this so many times in retrospect and I most likely will continue you to say the two words that are overly used in every if not all relationship, I’m sorry. But if you could take 5 miniutes and jump inside my head, and see threw my eyes with you’re goregus wide open eyes. Then I would like to share with my take on these 2 simply words we look over so mindlessly. I’m sorry. To me it’s not just someone admitting they’re wrong or have done wrong and say it to a person who they have done the wrong to. To me it’s a vitality, To me it’s a connection, It’s the connection in a relationship It’s the glue that keeps together the broken trophy’s, toys, .. and in our case its the glue that keeps you and I together saieeda. To me it’s more than I admitting I have done wrong. I probably shouldn’t have to say these words more than I do. But If I never said I’m sorry there would just be pieces lying around, We would be more broken than we are now. I dont want that. I dont want any of that. Saieeda when I told you me definition of love and you told me “well I think I might Love you” and I said “Well I think I DO love you” We became something that was no longer two, we became one, and it just so happens that the one thing we became is easily shatter-able, easily breakable, but I know If I say I’m sorry that It put in place the glue to weld you and I back together. I cant stand not being in one piece of mind with you. I’m so sorry baby.
It kills me inside when I wake up and I read your text and I see the words “Cryed, Nightmare, Lonley, Scared, I needed you.” and I just ignored you and I am so ashamed of my behavoir and my personality towards you.
I told you In the begging that I was all you will ever need, and now you feel lonely. Not because I’m not enough, but because I’m not enough. I’m not me. I’m not thier for you and I’m not who I was when I said that. And that’s the boy you fell in love with. I guess I’ve tried to mature to quickly and I’ve assumed stereotypically that If I’m an adult then I have certain responsibility that I need to attend to and are more important that you at the moment, and the truth is I’m only 17 and at the end of the day I have no responsibly more important than you. That might not make much sense. So what I’m trying to say is if you were my first priority then you would never feel lonely. And I take full responsibility for those feelings you have, and send me to hell If I don’t fix that now.
Finally the reason I’m doing this. The reason I didnt just post this on skype for you to read. The reason I took an hour to write all this. It’s simple. LOVE. Because I still love you. I still care about you’re feeelings, about your life, about your health, about your family, about your school, and ultimately I care about YOU. You are a verbally, mentally loving person. You speak the love language of affirmation and quality time
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
and saieeda i realize that and more importantly I understand you.
I love you (still)
My job as a cashier:
- ring out your shit
- bag your shit
- give you your change
NOT my job as a cashier:
- know the price and placement of every item in the store
- put all of your bags into your carriage
- laugh at your stupid jokes
- babysit your fucking children
- understand your language
- listen to your problems
- read your fucking mind